Archive for the ‘Plain Language’ Category

Managers play a huge part in the successful transfer of learning. Recently a manager who cares deeply about helping her staff improve their writing skills asked us for ways she can help. Here are some suggestions:

One minute essay. Ask your staff to write a one minute essay describing the main points learned in the course. Writing helps consolidate key points and clarify what you learned.

Ask for the checklists. We provide job aids designed to help writers assess their own drafts and give structured, pointed feedback to their colleagues. It’s also a great coaching tool for managers. Your staff will be able to explain how to use them.

Ask to see their personal action plans. In every course we give, learners have an opportunity to review what they are learning and compile a list of the strategies they want to use in their personal practice. Ask to see this list. It will be a long list, so have your staff articulate three key learning objectives and watch for their progress.

Reinforce the good. Give praise when it’s deserved. Positive feedback is a great confidence builder and it’s good to remember that we can learn as much from hearing about what we’re doing right as from what we’re doing wrong.

Have them teach you something. The best way to learn something really well is to teach it to someone. Ask your staff to explain two or three of the key lessons they learned.

Share really good work. Show your commitment to positive change by trumpeting successes. If someone on your team writes a great email, share it with the team. People love praise. It will make everyone work harder and will set a benchmark for what you’re looking for. It also shows you are serious about improvement.

Give feedback with sensitivity. We know our writing reveals a lot about us, so when you give feedback do it carefully. Point out the positives first, then the problems. When you give your feedback, remember that if a document needs to be restructured or rewritten, if the content is wrong, there’s no point in correcting grammar and punctuation. That’s wasting everyone’s time.

Model great writing yourself. Make sure you are modeling a plain, warm, professional, style yourself. Avoid cliches, the gratuitous use of big words and a wordy style. Instead, use plain language. Not sure what that entails? Ask your staff. They’ll be able to tell you.

Is it true, as Cecil Rhodes said, that “to be born an English-speaker is to win one of the top prizes in life’s lottery”? Do native English speakers have such a huge advantage over non-native English speakers?

You would think we English speakers are lucky, since English has become the lingua franca of the world with the rise of globalism and the internet. English is the common bond that enables a Spanish UN Peacekeeper to communicate with an Indian soldier when the Spaniard speaks no Punjabi and the Indian no Spanish.

But if you listen carefully, you’ll notice that the Spaniard and the Punjabi speak a certain type of English. It’s a simplified form of English—with a  small vocabulary and a simple grammatical structure. It’s been named Globish by Jean-Paul Nerriére, a retired vice president of IBM, who realized that at multi-national meetings non-native English speakers communicated better with each other than they did with native English speakers because they spoke a common language. Nerriére codified this language and describes it on this video.

According to Nerriére, to participate in global business where international meetings are the norm, native English speakers need to make the effort to speak like everyone else. This means they need to

• Use a limited number of words , and  choose plain, simple words
• Keep sentences short and grammatically simple
• Repeat ideas
• Avoid metaphors and colourful expressions
• Avoid negative questions
• Avoid all humour
• Avoid acronyms
• Avoid idioms
• Use gestures and visual aids to reinforce your message

Being a native English-speaker is certainly an advantage, since English has become the lingua franca of the world. But that doesn’t mean you should flaunt your skills to non-native speakers.

Above all, be mindful of your audience. If you are speaking or writing to someone who speaks English as a non-native, remember you have nothing to gain by demonstrating your dexterity with English. Keep things simple and plain and your message will be heard around the world.

For this contest, all you have to do is turn this into plain language. It needs to be warmer in tone and it’s pretty wordy. Good luck!

Please find enclosed Uplands Utilities Data Licensing agreements in duplicate for the City of Westland—Traffic Engineering and Operations, Operations and Maintenance Division Public Work Department. We request that all copies be signed and returned to the undersigned. Uplands will execute and return one (1) copy for your records.

We direct you to acknowledge item 10 (a) of the terms and conditions of the agreement and urge that they be communicated and understood by all using the data. We suggest that the practices of record validation to actual site conditions be conducted for public and worker safety. Although not limited to, this is particularly important prior to performing any maintenance and/or responding to any underground street light cable locate requests.

Uplands Utilities Corporation (Uplands) would also note that additions and/or changes to the City of Westland’s (The City) owned street light system may not be available or incorrect on Upland’s data. Loosely defined processes or adherence to them and sporadic or latency of delivery of data are seen as contributors.

Send your rewrites to me directly at jody@brunerbiz.com. Alternatively, you can post them into the comments below. Good luck!

I’m going out on a limb here by sharing a parenting story that’s a bit personal. I’m risking it because I learned an important lesson about communicating with my teenage son and I realize the kernel of what I learned can benefit many others.

To know my son Ben is to know he’s a great kid—respectful, bright and funny. Not to mention handsome. Since I’m his mom, I get to see other qualities too, and sometimes these other qualities can get a rise out of me. A few months ago, Ben did something that upset me deeply. Even though I knew rationally that he didn’t intend to hurt me, I still felt hurt and that hurt wanted to turn into anger. We all know anger in this kind of situation can only inflame it. So Instead of acting on that anger, I tried something different. I described to him how I felt—hurt, disappointed—and I explained that that although his rejection FELT personal I knew it wasn’t. Then I suppressed my anger and carried on as if nothing had happened. Sounds easy when I write these words, but not acting on my anger was counter to every impulse I had.

The outcome delighted me. There was no heaviness at home. Ben treated me with consideration and respect. I learned this basic truth of effective communication—you can only get the big, important return when you ignore the smaller, more immediate return. I hadn’t been getting the results I wanted with Ben because I was too caught up in my immediate need to assuage my pain and express my anger. As soon as I put my immediate needs aside and expressed my feelings to him, I got what I really wanted all along: a better, stronger relationship with a happier teenage son.

So what does this have to do with day-to-day business communication? In the same way I learned to suppress my immediate need to get the real prize, business writers have to suppress their immediate needs—to impress, to vent, to get through their to do list—to achieve  their real purpose. Communication falls flat because the reader’s immediate need is louder than the real message and gets in the way of communication. It seems counter-intuitive, but the best way to get what you want is to focus fully on your purpose and audience and put aside your own needs.

Consider the following scenarios and ask yourself if you fit any of these profiles:

Writers who need to impress. These writers feel compelled to show their professionalism and intelligence by using big words and complex sentence structure. They are at their worst when they are writing up in the organization, believing (wrongly) that just because their bosses are well educated they need to write to a higher grade level. These writers need to forget about their insecurities and remember that their reader doesn’t care that much about them. They have to learn that to be truly impressive, they should try to be clear and make their documents easy to read and act on. The more important the reader, they more they want you to just get to the point—plainly and clearly.

Writers who need to vent. Your feelings might be justified. But it’s more likely that you are taking something personally that wasn’t meant personally. Try to separate the emotions from the facts. Cool off before you respond to an inflammatory situation. If you must express yourself, save to draft before sending. Remember that feelings fade with time but the written word doesn’t. It lasts forever and words written in the heat of anger can come back to haunt you. Remember my story and keep your eye on your real goal. A happy customer? A better working relationship? An improved process or product?

Writers who need to hurry. This is a common problem. I have too much to do and everything is due yesterday. As for your report, I only have time to do the bare minimum, which means I’ll just dump all the relevant information and give it to you in a raw state. It’s all there and you can just figure it out for yourself. I don’t have time to plan it, structure it for clarity, revise or edit it. Sure, you’re saving your time in the short term, but you are hurting yourself in the long run. This kind of writing makes you look bad and wastes your reader’s time. And you’ll have to deal with a frustrated reader, misunderstandings and mistakes. Remember that it’s the responsibility of every writer to be respectful of their readers’ time. Do your job properly and everyone benefits. The easiest fix for frazzled writers is counter intuitive: take the time to use the writing process. Start earlier and it won’t take as long as you expect. Plus you’ll save time in the long run as there will be fewer misunderstandings and rewrites.

Writers who need to show their work. These are those infuriating people who think they’re writing fiction and withhold the punch line. They’re saying, “I’ve done a ton of work for you and I want you to appreciate me. So I will lay it all out before you and show you exactly what I found, what I learned, what I think and finally, at the end, what I think you should do.” Please understand that your reader needs to know the conclusion FIRST. They don’t CARE how you got there or how much work did to get there. I’m not saying don’t show your work—you need to. But I am saying structure your writing hierarchically so your reader can scan it.

Do you recognize yourself or anyone you know in any of these profiles?

I love dancing and would never decline this invitation, especially if you ask like Yul Brynner. It wouldn’t hurt if you come with your own ballroom either.

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But under any other circumstances, shall makes me wince. It’s a word that makes you sound either foreign (not necessarily a bad thing) or pretentious and archaic (not a good thing). Shall is used in England and in law.

English use

In England, shall can express the simple future for first person I and we, as in “Shall we have dinner together tonight?” Will is used in the simple future for all other persons. Using will in the first person expresses a bit more determination on the part of the speaker, as in “We will finish this project by tonight, by golly!” Using shall in second and third persons would indicate some kind of promise about the subject, as in “This shall be revealed to you in good time.”

If you use shall this way in Canada or the US, you write with an accent. It’s not a word we use. On this continent, we use will for the future simple tense.

Legal use

Lawyers love to use shall, but the plain language community recommends avoiding it. According to Prof. Joe Kimble of the Thomas Cooley Law School, lawyers regularly misuse it to mean something other than “has a duty to.” It has become so corrupted by misuse that it has no firm meaning.

Also, it’s not plain. Nobody uses shall in common speech. It’s one more example of unnecessary lawyer talk. You’d never hear, “You shall finish the project in a week.”

And from Plain Language, the US government site: The word “must” is the clearest way to convey to your readers that they have to do something. Shall is one of those officious and obsolete words that has encumbered legal style writing for many years. The message that shall sends to the reader is, “this is deadly material.” Shall is also obsolete–when was the last time you heard it used in everyday speech?

Besides being outdated, shall is imprecise. It can indicate either an obligation or a prediction. Dropping shall is a major step in making your document more reader-friendly. Don’t be intimidated by the argument that using must will lead to a lawsuit. Many agencies already use the word must to convey obligations. The US Courts are eliminating shall in favor of must in their Rules of Procedure.  And in Canada, British Columbia, Alberta and Manitoba have amended their Interpretation Acts to say that must is to be interpreted as imperative.

The way I see it, dancing is imperative, and shall is not. Shall we dance?

If you liked 10 Ways to Improve Your Writing, here are 10 more ways:

11. Don’t be a perfectionist, at least not every time. It’s great to know how to create a perfect document, but doing it every time is a lot of work. Not everything you write NEEDS to be perfect. The main thing is to make sure it’s good enough to achieve your purpose and meet the needs of your reader. Of course, it’s also important to know you CAN make it perfect for the times when you need to.

12. Show the bones of your writing. Your writing is clear when readers can see the shape of your message. There are many ways to reveal this shape—getting to the point, creating a hierarchical structure, writing talking headers, using layout to show how sections relate to each other, and using transitional markers to connect ideas. The more you use these tools to reveal the bones of your message, the easier it is for the reader to grasp your message quickly and easily.

13. Show the muscle of your writing. If bringing the bones to the surface clarifies your message, bringing the muscles to the surface improves the style and readability. Muscular writing is concise, uses strong verbs, is positive, conversational and active. Muscular writing energizes readers and propels them to act.

14. Be transparent. Try not to let anything distract your reader from your message. Distractions can be big things, such as a rambling structure or an offensive tone. It can be little things, such as an ill-chosen font, too many big words, sloppy spacing, and bad grammar or spelling. Transparent writing doesn’t draw attention to itself and lets the reader absorb your message effortlessly.

15. Be precise and concrete. The details make your writing memorable and vivid. Here’s one of my favourite examples from Strunk and White. First, the vague version: “In proportion as the manners, customs, and amusements of a nation are cruel and barbarous, the regulations of its penal code will be severe.” And the vivid example: “In proportion as men delight in battles, bullfights and combats of gladiators, will they punish by hanging, burning and the rack.”

16. Use a conversational tone, but don’t be conversational. A conversational tone is warm and personal. It captures the sound of your voice. You don’t want to replicate your actual conversation, because that would capture all the ums, ahs, redundancies and hesitations. The best way to create the warmth of your voice is by reading your writing out loud. If you know you’d never say the words in speech, you shouldn’t write them either. Worried you’ll be too chatty? Remember who you are writing to and use the degree of formality you’d use if you were speaking to that person. You’ll find that way you can easily balance warmth, formality and respect.

17. Assume ignorance but not stupidity. Many writers assume too much prior knowledge on the part of the reader. And when they write to a large group of readers, they alienate readers who are unfamiliar with the subject matter. It’s best to assume your readers are ignorant, but not stupid. The readers who are knowledgeable aren’t likely as close to the content as you are, and they appreciate a quick refresher. Readers who know nothing are not alienated and can get up to speed quickly.

18. Make sure important information stands out. Decide what’s most important and help the reader see it by using boldface, isolating it in white space, or using headings, visuals, lists or colour. Just don’t use all these devices at once. Remember that if you try to emphasize everything, you emphasize nothing.

19. Use a style guide. In a pinch, make it up, but be consistent. Readers love consistency. Style guides are a great way to be consistent, because they define usage. If your company has, or recommends, a style guide, great! Use it. If you don’t have one, or don’t have time to consult one, make it up. Just be consistent. Not sure if you should spell out numbers from 1 to 10 or 1 to 20? Make an executive decision, be consistent. You’ll fool 90% of your readers. (Okay, I made up that statistic, but it feels right.)

20. Keep your layout simple and elegant. Less is more. Only use as many text elements as you need. If you’re writing a complex document, like technical documentation, start by considering what kinds of information you need. Assign a look to each element and be consistent in how you treat it. For example, the title of every visual should be the same. Every bulleted list should look the same, and every Level 3 Heading should look the same. This gives the reader confidence that text that looks alike functions alike.

Any suggestions to add?

I spent a day recently doing some coaching for one of my favourite clients. I had appointments with eight people. It was a diverse group–from finance to IT, and from junior to senior.  Some write reports to the executive team, and some write brief emails to each other. Some are technical writers, some write letters. Every person I met brought in a sample of their writing, and even though their writing was so different, I found myself saying the same things to each one of them: “Consider your reader—what information will they need? How will they want to see it presented? Why does your reader need this information? How can you present your message in a way that makes it easy for them to take their next step?”

Examples of what I saw at the follow-up session, and how these questions affected their revisions:

An email to a consultant asking a series of questions about a technical process. The first draft was a casual, rambling stream of consciousness, in which the writer asked a question, then adds a couple more that come to mind while he is writing. The fix: revise the opening of the message to explain you have 3 questions about the ABC process, number the questions clearly, and then update the subject line (maybe “Three questions about ABC”) to let the reader know what to expect. The reader then can easily embed the answers into the original message. It takes only a few minutes for the writer to revise, and saves the reader time and frustration.

An email to a supplier about coordinating an event. The email contains three small questions, and confirms another piece of information. Instead of one email to the reader containing everything, write four separate emails. Why? If you separate the different questions, requests and information into separate emails, the reader can respond quickly where possible. If you don’t have ready answers to every question in a multi-issue email, it’s easy to sit on it until you have everything you need. Better to answer what you can quickly. It’s also easier to file and retrieve information that is clearly labeled and not buried in an email with a useless subject line, like “Information” or “Follow up.”

A technical report recommending a change of software to manage a vital business process. The original document is well organized with all the key information a decision maker would need in the Executive Summary. The only problem is it’s very technical and studded with acronyms. The decision makers are the Board Members, who are unfamiliar with your jargon. The solution: assume your readers are ignorant, but not stupid. Avoid using technical language they might not understand, especially acronyms. Using acronyms might save you a few keystrokes and buy you credibility with your colleagues, but they frustrate readers who aren’t familiar with them. The solution: use the acronyms in your draft, then use the Find/Replace function in MS Word to spell them out. Even better, instead of an acronym, use a descriptive term, like the Agreement, or the Enterprise System.

A letter to a lawyer describing your analysis of a problem and the next steps you will take. This writer (a charming guy) had abandoned his earlier legalese style (yay!) but had rebounded to extremely spare prose, thinking the opposite of a legalese style is one that was condensed to the point where it felt dehydrated. The solution: relax, use a conversational style and tell the reader a story—what you did, what you found, and what you have done as a result. Unpack it, expand it, be conversational. The letter is a record, part of a file, and needs to tell its chapter of the story clearly.

Documentation of a change to proprietary software. The changes were listed on the page in separate paragraphs. What was missing was any context—the document needed a title and an introduction, so a reader who picks it up now or in the future knows why and when the changes were made. It also would help to number the changes themselves so they could be scanned quickly and referenced easily.

What impressed me about the day was how different each of the documents I reviewed was from each other. The revisions were different too. What was the same was the thinking process and questions that helped my learners see ways to improve their writing.

Take a look at something you wrote recently. Now put yourself in the place of your reader. Consider for a moment what their prior knowledge is, why they need to read your message, what they will do with it, and how you can best present it to make their job easier. What changes would you make?

You know how this one ends: “…or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at your earliest convenience.”

The purpose of this sentence is to show sincerity and invite your reader to interact with you. But it does just the opposite. Instead of reading this closing as sincere, readers recognize it for what it is: a cliché that is overused and meaningless. It’s a lazy way of closing a letter and shows readers they are not special. And even though (especially if) your readers use it themselves, they recognize it for what it is: a cop out.

At one time, I used to argue that this closing was redundant, that by now readers KNOW they can ask questions or share concerns—no need to tell them. Further, they will feel encouraged to respond with a question or comment if the whole tone of the letter or email is warm and conversational. If they sense a real person behind the writing, they will feel connected and comfortable responding. Still, most people feel the need to close their correspondence with an explicit invitation to interact.

If you must have such a closing, at least make it engaging. Write what you would comfortably say to your reader, given your relationship. Here are some reasonable options, in no special order:

• Please call me if you have any questions.
• Let me know if you need more information.
• Give me a shout if you have any questions.
• Questions? Call me.
• I look forward to hearing your comments.

How about you? What closing are you comfortable with?

By Christine Fischer Guy

Whenever we’re talking plain language in the writing classroom, the word ‘professional’ eventually makes an appearance, and it’s usually something along these lines: ‘But it doesn’t sound professional!’

I’m always heartened when a writer has this concern because I know that he or she is taking language and communication seriously. With that kind of focus, the battle for professionalism has already been won: you’re bound to find a plain style that suits you and conveys your skill, integrity, and commitment to your work.

But let’s take a minute to consider what it means to be professional, because the word is often confused with formal. Professional is a behaviour, not a writing style. A professional

• Acts with integrity
• Responds to situations in a timely, skilful, and respectful manner
• Communicates with sensitivity to the context and audience

It’s this last point that matters most when you’re considering the move to a plainer writing style, because in general, a formal writing style belongs to a context that no longer exists. We don’t address one another as ‘Mr. Smith’ or ‘Mrs. Green’ any longer, and nor are we wearing three-piece suits and pantyhose. Society in general is more relaxed, informal, and approachable. A customer can write directly to a company president (and expect an answer!) So why write in a style that belongs to a bygone era? It makes sense to use a warmer, more conversational style that conveys a modern organization willing to move with the times.

That’s not to say that you’ll never want to use a formal, cooler tone. If a situation demands distance, whether because of the content of the message or for an audience that prefers an arms-length relationship, you always have that option. But let a plainer style dominate and you’ll warm up your relationships, convey a modern image, and continue to be the professional that you already are.

If you think using big words will impress, you are wrong.

Daniel Oppenheimer’s 2006 study “Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with using long words needlessly,” (which won the Ig Nobel Prize) concludes that people who use complicated language when simple words will do tend to be viewed as less intelligent than those who use a more basic vocabulary.

This doesn’t mean you should forget all those big words you know. “I think it’s important to point out that this study is not about problems with using long words, it’s about problems with using long words needlessly,” Oppenheimer explains. “If the best way to say something involves using a complex word, then by all means do so. But if there are several equally valid ways of expressing your ideas, you should go with the simpler one.”

Here is an example of two sentences used in the study. Readers were asked to rate the intelligence of each writer.

“The primary academic goal I have set for myself is to use my potential to the fullest.”

“The principal educational aspiration I have established for myself is to utilize my capabilities to the fullest.”

The results: When people read simpler language, they actually rate the author’s intelligence higher than they do those who write using large words and a more complex sentence structure. Oppenheimer suspects people link intelligence with simpler language because we like to read things that are easy to understand.

So if we see others who use simple language as more intelligent, why do so many feel they are demonstrating their own intelligence by using big words?