With two teenage sons, I’ve learned to love The Simpsons. Here are some of Homer’s best lines:

“When a woman says nothing’s wrong, it means everything’s wrong. When a woman says everything’s wrong, it means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says that something isn’t funny, you’d better not laugh.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.”

“With $10,000 we’d be millionaires!”

“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true.”

“The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.”

“I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!”

“Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill a Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight into how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?”

“If you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”