In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In an office: After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

Notice in a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car.

Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work.)