Posts Tagged ‘modal verbs’
Can or May I Have a Cookie?
My sort of sister-in-law Jane speaks English as a foreign language. She’s just finished a course that taught her business skills—she learned how to interview for a job, write a resume, give a presentation and speak better English. (Really, there’s nothing wrong with her English.) She told me her instructor advised the class to, “NEVER use the word can. Instead,” she said, “use may.”
Hmmm. Never is an awfully long time and to me always (also a long time!) raises a red flag. The instructor appears to be like one of those annoying grade school teachers we’ve all had, who, when you asked “Can I please go to the washroom?” would say condescendingly, “I don’t know if you can, but you may.” We learned quickly that the fastest way to get permission to go without being humiliated was to say “May I please go to the washroom?”
Traditionally, may is used to ask permission. Can is used to express ability.
May I have a cookie? Yes, you may.
Can you do a push up? Yes! I can do 20 push ups! (We wouldn’t say May you do a push up?)
But in everyday speech, we use can to make a request. We are understood when we say, “Can I have a cookie?” In fact, the meanings of these words do overlap. We use can to indicate ability, possibility, permission and a request. May indicates permission, probability and a request.
According to the Merriam Webster site, “Can and may are most frequently interchangeable in senses denoting possibility; because the possibility of one’s doing something may depend on another’s acquiescence, they have also become interchangeable in the sense denoting permission. The use of can to ask or grant permission has been common since the 19th century and is well established, although some commentators feel may is more appropriate in formal contexts. May is relatively rare in negative constructions (mayn’t is not common); cannot and can’t are usual in such contexts.”
Okay okay, if you’re writing to a stickler prescriptivist, use may when asking permission. After all, if you want something from them it’s best not to annoy them, even if they annoy you. And if I’m in a super formal situation, I might be inclined to prefer may to can when asking permission. But unless I find myself talking to the queen, it’s hard to imagine a situation that formal.