February’s contest was a tough one—rewriting a ridiculously legalistic agreement in plain language

The winners are Kathy Ward AND Jennifer Ross.

I like Kathy’s entry because she uses plain language so well. Notice her use of personal pronouns, which makes the document so easy to read. Here’s Kathy’s entry:

Laboratory Service Agreement

August 19, 2009

Dear Testing Services Laboratory (TSL),

Thank you for agreeing to complete the x, y and z tests for the XXX project between September 1 and December 31, 2009.

Please deliver all the vitamin samples to us for analysis. We will measure them and forward the results to you within five working days.

We will pay you $4,500.00 for set up and then $19.00 per study subject after the first visit. You can expect your first payment within 30 days and then we will make quarterly payments within 30 days of receiving each invoice (December 1, 2009; March 1, 2010; June 1, 2010; September 1, 2010; and December 1, 2010).

If there is any delay in the project, it should not be longer than 60 days. To reconcile any costs due to a delay, please send us a final invoice within seven days after the project is complete, which we will pay within 30 days.

Sincerely,

Healthy Pathways Hospital

Jennifer Ross, the co-winner, did a great job of simplifying the document while keeping all the detail. Her use of lists makes the key information stand out so both parties can clearly see what they are agreeing to.

Laboratory service agreement between Health Pathways Hospital (HPH) and Testing Services Laboratory (TSL), August 19, 2010.

HPH and TSL agree that

• TSL will perform the tests X, Y and Z (see schedule A) for HPH’s YYY Project.
• The project will begin September 1, 2009 and end December 31, 2009 [2010??]. If a delay is necessary, it will not exceed 60 days.
• TLS will deliver the samples to HPH for vitamin analysis. TLS will perform the analysis and forward the results to TLS within five working days.

HPH agrees to pay TSLs

• a setup fee of $4,500 for the assay of ZZZ, payable within 30 days of the agreement completion.
• quarterly payments for measuring ZZZ after HPH completes visit one, at a rate of $19 per study. The payments must be made within 30 days of the following dates: December 1, 2010, March 1, 2010, June 1, 2010, September 1, 2010 and December 1, 2010.
• a reconciliation fee if there is a delay in the project from December 2009 to December 2010. TLS will provide HPH with the invoice within seven days of project completion. HPH must pay the invoice within 30 days.