Writing Contest August ’09
Here’s a sentence I came across last week in an RFP. I was itching to rewrite it for clarity and correctness. Instead, I’ll let you try it:
“Bidders are advised that only listing experience without providing any supporting data such as; number of projects completed and in progress, the period of the work performed in number of months and years in past and present employment, where and how such experience was obtained will not be considered to be “demonstrated” for the purpose of this evaluation.”
You can submit your rewrite as a comment in the blog or send it to me by email at jody@brunerbiz.com.
If you don’t provide full details of your work experience, then your application will go straight in the bin.
Bidders are advised that experience listed without supporting data will not be deemed “demonstrated” and, therefore, not considered for the purpose of this evaluation. Supporting data will include: the number of projects completed and in progress, the duration of each project, the dates and durations of past employment. For other experience, the type and location of training should also be included.
Or, “If you can decipher the above and provide the information requested, you’re IN.”